[ Loki considers him for a moment. after everything, would he go back? the pain and the sacrifice, the ignorance that came with youth. well, the answer is easy. ]
No. I don't think I could, even if I tried.
[ they were children once, and much like mortals, they could never be children again.
the thought mulls over in his mind, distracting him momentarily before he notices outstretched fingers. dark lashes fall heavily over his eyes as he watches him inch closer, and for the barest of moments, he basks in Thor wanting him. before his brother can withdraw, Loki quells his satisfaction and finds his fingertips with his own. the mead bottle is left forgotten for better endeavors. ]
[thor had tried, once, to bring loki back and have things as they had been before-
but loki now was not the same as any loki thor had known before. just as thor was not exactly the same as his past either. for all their godhood and unfathomable age, there was only one direction for them to move through time, and that was forward
and right now all that thor can see before him is loki. he threads their fingers together.]
Good. In this moment, I would not exchange you for any other Loki, past or future.
[ it was a Loki in a different time, a Loki he never wanted to be again. given, he was the Loki he was now, and he never wanted to revert to anything he was ever again. when their fingers thread a fresh wave of guilt washes over him, sweeping away in the foam in the base of his belly.
if you knew, would you hate me?
the urge to tell him comes so far up his throat that he almost chokes on it, but he swallows it back, making himself ill with self-inflicted grief. the expression on his face melts to something knowing, soft. his dark lashes shadow bright eyes as he slides his fingers between Thor's, feeling the tingle of electricity on the tips near the nail. ]
Do you say that to all the Lokis?
[ dangerous words that could be questioned, so close that he wonders if he wants to get caught. there's a wistful, self-defeating smile on his face. ]
Or do you say that to everyone? Quite the charmer, you are. That's supposed to be my job.
[Thor chuckles, looking up at the stars above them. For all his elemental ties to the wild and changing storm, his devotion to and love for his family and friends has ever been a constant.
He sighs, a long exhale that is a little weary, but mostly relaxed and warm.]
Aye, even at your worst, brother.
[He turns back to his brother. Perhaps Loki at his worst is when he had needed Thor most, and all Thor had been was a hulking great brute, concerned with his own glory instead of the brother he should have been attending to.]
You know my temper is quick and my pride too sensitive. In spite of them, I have never met a Loki whom I did not love, though I sometimes wished otherwise.
in one of his hands was the hand that held Mjolnir, a dangerously coveted weapon that Loki lusted after as soon as he could walk. in all of his hubris and wickedness, he had missed the mark far too often; he had lost in so many ways. in others, he had won. it had taken a long time to win.
a dark black nail moves along the callouses, the smooth place between his knuckles, the places that he's never been privy to, or trusted enough to breech this level of intimacy. ]
I never thought of myself as easy to love. [ bright green eyes fall half lidded as he occupies himself with his hand. ] You were tenacious, Thor. I would have been lost without you.
It has not been with my help that you have established yourself on Earth. [The black nailpolish trailing along his knuckles may amuse Thor, a sign of Loki's attention to the vainer matters in life, but it is also an indication that Loki adapts far better to new circumstances than any of the other Asgardians. Thor lives among the people of Earth, but he will always be other. Loki understands them and can pass among them unnoticed in ways Thor will never be able.
Once, Thor would have disregarded such a skill, but now he can see it for what it is.
He withdraws his hand and moves closer until he is looking fondly down at Loki.] You do not seem lost now.
[ the Asgardians were stubborn and resistant to change (even their mother, much to Loki's chagrin); in their own way, both Thor and Loki had tried to find a way to free them. Ragnarok, the fate that awaited them, and the future where the world was built in existential conditionalities. it wasn't something that either of them wanted: Loki no longer the villain, and Thor bound to something other than his noble deeds.
Loki can feel the ghost of his fingers even when he's gone, and the warmth when he leans in. ]
I wouldn't have established myself on earth unless someone fought for me.
[ he could have taken Thor's compliment, in all of his arrogance, but he doesn't. instead the words carry unusual weight. ]
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No. I don't think I could, even if I tried.
[ they were children once, and much like mortals, they could never be children again.
the thought mulls over in his mind, distracting him momentarily before he notices outstretched fingers. dark lashes fall heavily over his eyes as he watches him inch closer, and for the barest of moments, he basks in Thor wanting him. before his brother can withdraw, Loki quells his satisfaction and finds his fingertips with his own. the mead bottle is left forgotten for better endeavors. ]
no subject
but loki now was not the same as any loki thor had known before. just as thor was not exactly the same as his past either. for all their godhood and unfathomable age, there was only one direction for them to move through time, and that was forward
and right now all that thor can see before him is loki. he threads their fingers together.]
Good. In this moment, I would not exchange you for any other Loki, past or future.
no subject
if you knew, would you hate me?
the urge to tell him comes so far up his throat that he almost chokes on it, but he swallows it back, making himself ill with self-inflicted grief. the expression on his face melts to something knowing, soft. his dark lashes shadow bright eyes as he slides his fingers between Thor's, feeling the tingle of electricity on the tips near the nail. ]
Do you say that to all the Lokis?
[ dangerous words that could be questioned, so close that he wonders if he wants to get caught. there's a wistful, self-defeating smile on his face. ]
Or do you say that to everyone? Quite the charmer, you are. That's supposed to be my job.
no subject
He sighs, a long exhale that is a little weary, but mostly relaxed and warm.]
Aye, even at your worst, brother.
[He turns back to his brother. Perhaps Loki at his worst is when he had needed Thor most, and all Thor had been was a hulking great brute, concerned with his own glory instead of the brother he should have been attending to.]
You know my temper is quick and my pride too sensitive. In spite of them, I have never met a Loki whom I did not love, though I sometimes wished otherwise.
no subject
in one of his hands was the hand that held Mjolnir, a dangerously coveted weapon that Loki lusted after as soon as he could walk. in all of his hubris and wickedness, he had missed the mark far too often; he had lost in so many ways. in others, he had won. it had taken a long time to win.
a dark black nail moves along the callouses, the smooth place between his knuckles, the places that he's never been privy to, or trusted enough to breech this level of intimacy. ]
I never thought of myself as easy to love. [ bright green eyes fall half lidded as he occupies himself with his hand. ] You were tenacious, Thor. I would have been lost without you.
[ perhaps he was, for a while. ]
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Once, Thor would have disregarded such a skill, but now he can see it for what it is.
He withdraws his hand and moves closer until he is looking fondly down at Loki.] You do not seem lost now.
no subject
Loki can feel the ghost of his fingers even when he's gone, and the warmth when he leans in. ]
I wouldn't have established myself on earth unless someone fought for me.
[ he could have taken Thor's compliment, in all of his arrogance, but he doesn't. instead the words carry unusual weight. ]